Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
