I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
