a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
