I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
