I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
