I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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