I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
