Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
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I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
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I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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