i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
