just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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