I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
