Please, let me fuck your mom
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
