well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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