Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
