There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
