i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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