I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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