yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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