How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize