it hurts more in the daytime
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
