Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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