Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
