I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
