Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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