I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
