My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
