I want to have your abortion
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
