worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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