I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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