Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
