hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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