Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
