Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
