it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
