Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
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If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
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For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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