I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
