At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize