It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
