so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
