I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
