Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
