he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
