Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
