Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
