I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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