yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
