see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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