Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
