just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
