Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
