I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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