I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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