wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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