I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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