My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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