my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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