you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i need some magic done to my vagina
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize