It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
