Can i not drive my cunt home
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
where are my eyebrows?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
