There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
