I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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