i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
