Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
