I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I intend to get homeless drunk
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
