he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
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Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
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She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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