Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You can't special order awesome
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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