Whoa Z and x make the same sound
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
