dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
