I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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