no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'd cum for enchiladas.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
