Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Randomize
