The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
