I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
