Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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