Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
