Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
