me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
