420 ftw
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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