i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
