dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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