I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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