i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
