I looked at my own cervix.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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