dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
