8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
