I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
