I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
