idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
