I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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